The Instruction Is Given to Whoever Remembers

The question that keeps everything exactly where it is has never actually been answered.

The question is: who moves first.

Both parties have an answer and both answers are reasonable. Each of them believes, with evidence, that the other one started it, and each has been waiting, and neither would describe themselves as waiting, because both would say they are simply getting on with things.

And the arrangement is stable, and it has been for nine years, and it will continue indefinitely, because a standoff between two people who both think they are being patient does not have a natural end.

Jesus gives an instruction about this and He gives it to a specific person, and the person He gives it to is not the one at fault.

The scene is a man doing something right

Here is the passage, and the setup is important.

Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. (Matthew 5:23-24, King James Version)

The man in this scene is in the middle of an act of worship. He is doing exactly what he should be doing, in the right place, at the right time, with the right thing in his hands.

He is not being rebuked for anything. Nothing in the passage suggests he has done wrong, and the whole instruction is delivered to somebody who has turned up correctly.

You are being addressed in the middle of doing the right thing rather than being caught out. Matthew 5:23 has him at the altar with his gift when the instruction arrives, and it is by the Spirit, John 16:8, who reproves gently and from inside rather than by an accusation.

The trigger is remembering, not being at fault

Now the clause that decides the whole question at the top of this article.

And there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee.

Thy brother hath ought against thee. The grievance belongs to the other party. It is the brother who is holding something, which means the person receiving this instruction is, in the ordinary sense, the one who has been complained about rather than the one complaining.

And rememberest. That is the trigger. Not: if thou hast wronged him. Not: if thou art at fault. The instruction fires on the mere fact of remembering that something is outstanding.

So Jesus answers who-moves-first, and the answer is: whoever remembers. Which is a devastating answer to a standoff, because both parties in a standoff remember, constantly, and neither had noticed that the remembering itself was the instruction being handed to them.

You are given the instruction by the act of remembering rather than by being at fault. Matthew 5:23 fires on rememberest rather than on any question of blame, and it is the Spirit who searches all things, 1 Corinthians 2:10, in a knowing that does not wait for a verdict about who started it.

What He asks him to interrupt

Look at what gets put down.

Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way.

He is told to interrupt an act of worship, in public, in front of whoever is there, and walk out with the thing unfinished on the ground.

That is a striking priority and it is the reason this passage is so uncomfortable. He does not say finish and then go. He does not say do it afterward. The gift, which is right and good and which God asked for, waits.

And it is worth saying what that means for a person who has been managing a standoff for nine years while continuing to attend everything. The attending is real and it is not a substitute, and He says so by having the man walk out mid-offering.

You are able to interrupt something right in order to do something better. Matthew 5:24 has the gift left on the ground rather than completed first, and it is by the Spirit, Galatians 5:22, whose fruit is peace, which is what the walking out is for.

What be reconciled does not require

Now the guardrail, and it has to be said carefully because this verse gets used to hurt people.

First be reconciled to thy brother.

That is an instruction to a person to go and do their part. It is not a promise that the other party responds, and it is not a requirement that the other party responds, because no instruction from God is ever conditional on somebody else's cooperation.

And Paul, writing later about the same subject, puts two qualifications on it that Matthew 5 does not spell out.

If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. (Romans 12:18)

If it be possible. Paul admits that sometimes it is not.

As much as lieth in you. The obligation is bounded by what belongs to the person carrying it, and it ends where the other party begins.

So nothing in this passage requires a person to go back into reach of somebody who is dangerous, or to reopen something with a person it is not safe to reopen it with, or to keep going back until they get a result. If what happened is still happening, or if it has got to the place where you do not want to be here, say it out loud to a doctor, a counselor, a social worker, or a pastor you trust, and in the United States the 988 crisis line is answered by a real person at any hour.

You are bounded by what lies in you, and Scripture put both limits in the verse. Romans 12:18 says if it be possible and as much as lieth in you, and it is by the Spirit, Galatians 5:22, whose fruit is peace rather than a result a person secures.

The word peacemaker is a working word

There is a line earlier in the same sermon that describes the person who does this, and it is not the word people assume.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. (Matthew 5:9)

Peacemakers. Not peace-lovers, and not peace-keepers. A maker is somebody who produces a thing that was not there, which involves work and usually involves going somewhere.

A peace-keeper maintains a quiet, which is precisely what a nine year standoff is: extremely quiet, entirely stable, and not peace.

And what is attached to the making is an identity: they shall be called the children of God. The likeness being described is to somebody who moved first when He was not the one at fault, which is the whole gospel in a phrase.

You are called by a working word rather than by a quiet one. Matthew 5:9 says peacemakers and attaches being called the children of God to it, and it is by the Spirit of adoption, Romans 8:15, that anybody is a child of God at all.

What is available if going is not

Practically, because a person may read all of this and still be in a situation where going is not possible or not safe or not wise.

The instruction on this page is a sentence said out loud, elsewhere, that is both kind and true about the person. Not to them.

That is not a substitute for reconciliation and I am not going to pretend it is. It is the first thing in the direction, and it is the part that lies entirely within one person, and Romans 12:18 says the obligation runs exactly that far.

And there is one more thing about it. A person who has said something kind and true out loud about somebody is in a measurably different position toward them the next time they are in a room together, and nobody else in that room knows anything has changed.

You are able to do the part that lies in you without anybody's cooperation. Romans 12:18 bounds the obligation at as much as lieth in you, and it is by the Spirit, Colossians 3:15, that the peace of God is described as ruling in a heart rather than being negotiated.